Are you a cactus friend or a bonsai friend?

I was talking to a friend the other day who told me he had seen an instagram video about two different kinds of friendships: friends who were like cacti who could go weeks or months and they would be there strong and thriving not needing your light and unoffended by your absence while your friendship remained steadfest; and then there were friends who were the bonsai’s of your life who needed constant watering and pruning and if you left them unattended for two weeks you would come back and they would be dead and no longer a presence in your life.

The dichotomy between being a “cacti friend” and a “bonsai friend” is a fascinating lens through which to explore the intricacies of human relationships. In this analogy, a cacti friend represents resilience, independence, and the ability to thrive without constant attention, while a bonsai friend signifies the need for regular care, nurturing, and maintenance to flourish. However, the reality of friendships often transcends this simplistic duality, and individuals often find themselves navigating between these two paradigms, embodying characteristics of both cacti and bonsai.

Friendships often fall into spectrums, and the cacti-bonsai analogy captures just a part of that complexity. There’s validity in recognising your independence while acknowledging your need for reciprocated care in relationships. It’s reasonable to feel perturbed when you invest bonsai-level energy and receive cacti-level in return. Striking a balance between being available and preserving your…